bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
