I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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