I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
