She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
