I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
