sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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