I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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