I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
