That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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