can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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