After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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