ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
