I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
