hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize