Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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