This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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