Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
