This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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