Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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