if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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