i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
