she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
