so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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