if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
