apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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