think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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