Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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