i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
