where am i from again
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
