I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
