the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
