you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
