walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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