Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
