what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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