Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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