i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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