I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
