i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
