My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Still dying that you shit outside
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
