Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
