she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
