not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and she was petting her beer can
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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