Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
