I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
