I can feel you judging me through the phone.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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