my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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