I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dicks are not precious.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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