What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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