I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
