did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
