Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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