just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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