I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we're so committed to being not committed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
