it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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