Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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