I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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