I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
