hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
