I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
