Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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