They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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