As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
