fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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