I will die if light touches me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
