If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
