Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
