i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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