I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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