i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
