Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
