Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he thought i was a dude.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
