Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
