i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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