i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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