u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
