I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
