No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
