Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
