You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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