yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
