It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
