Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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