This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They have beer where we have blood.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
