I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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