this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
