When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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