at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
