today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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