Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
