Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
