he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
