I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I checked into jail on foursquare
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
