the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
