so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
